There are many paths to adoption. You can do a private adoption, either domestically or internationally. There are more costs involved in a private adoption and depending on circumstances, it can take a long time for child to enter your home. You can also go through the state and foster to adopt. This requires that you become a licensed foster parent through the state, which can be time intensive, but there are few out of pocket costs to foster to adopt. There is no right or wrong path, just what path is right for each family.
About a year and a half ago we started the process to adopt through foster care. We attended all the classes in Louisville, we knew the child we wanted to adopt, and we had two pieces of paperwork left to turn in, when everything changed. The birth parent for this particular child came back into the picture and possible reunification began. It was also at this time that God called us to a church in Floyds Knobs, Indiana and we knew that we wanted to live in the community where we attended church. So, we stopped the foster care process in Kentucky and in the summer of 2016, we moved to Indiana.
The transition into Indiana was not an easy one, especially on our daughter, Sophia. Our house in Louisville sold before we found a place to live in Indiana, so a friend graciously offered us their guesthouse while we looked for our next home. While we were still living in transition, the kids started a new school and had to work to make new friends. Aaron and I were taking on more responsibility at our church and work was becoming more time intensive for both of us. To say life was chaotic would be an understatement.
Sophia has always been strong willed and emotional, but after we moved to Indiana, things intensified. Sophia began having almost daily meltdowns and she was becoming violent; hitting and scratching us, breaking things, screaming at us when things didn't go her way. Life was very far from peaceful in our home. It got to the point that Aaron and I decided to talk to our pediatrician, and in September 2016, Sophia was diagnosed with ADHD.
After Sophia's diagnosis, it took us quite a while to learn and get a handle on our new normal. We have learned just how important routine and consistency are for our little girl. Sophia needs to know what is coming and deviations from her regular routine can cause her a lot of stress. There are visual schedules all around our house for different situations so Sophia can be set up for success, plus we have a weekly calendar where I write down each day's activities so Sophia is not taken by surprise. We have had to make intentional changes to the way our family does life to accommodate Sophia's needs and we try to not put her in situations that will cause her stress, if it can be avoided.
When we met with Orphan Care Alliance, it was stressed to us that we have to consider what will best for our "core four" when considering adoption. Since Aaron and I had gone through foster care classes, we understood that the ultimate goal of foster care is always reunification. Termination of parental rights can take a long time and is never a guarantee. With foster to adopt, you are told from the beginning that reunification is the goal, and there is always a chance that the child will leave your home and return to his or her family.
Foster care is a beautiful display of the gospel and I truly love foster care. My nephew and my youngest sister were both adopted out of foster care, so I am forever thankful for the foster to adopt system, because without it my family would not be the same. However, we know that if we go the foster care route, there is always be a chance that a child would come into our home only for time and would then return to his or her family. This would be difficult for all of us, but it would be especially hard for Sophia who thrives on consistency and routine.
After much prayer and discussion, we came to the decision that foster care is not the right choice for our family. We have to think about what is best for all of us, including Sophia, and we feel having a child come into our home for any length of time and then leave, would be very difficult for our little girl who needs so much consistency. While there are no 100% guarantees in adoption, with private adoption there is less of a chance of a child leaving our home once they come to live with us. As we think about what is best for our "core four", private adoption, whether it be domestic or international, seems to be the right answer. We understand that no transition is going to be easy, but with private adoption there is more certainty than foster to adopt, and more certainty means we can prepare for what's coming more easily.
If you would like to partner with us on our adoption journey, you can donate via our YouCaring page at: https://www.youcaring.com/aaronandlisatant-796522
About a year and a half ago we started the process to adopt through foster care. We attended all the classes in Louisville, we knew the child we wanted to adopt, and we had two pieces of paperwork left to turn in, when everything changed. The birth parent for this particular child came back into the picture and possible reunification began. It was also at this time that God called us to a church in Floyds Knobs, Indiana and we knew that we wanted to live in the community where we attended church. So, we stopped the foster care process in Kentucky and in the summer of 2016, we moved to Indiana.
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| Driving away from our house in Louisville for the last time |
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| Our new house in Indiana |
The transition into Indiana was not an easy one, especially on our daughter, Sophia. Our house in Louisville sold before we found a place to live in Indiana, so a friend graciously offered us their guesthouse while we looked for our next home. While we were still living in transition, the kids started a new school and had to work to make new friends. Aaron and I were taking on more responsibility at our church and work was becoming more time intensive for both of us. To say life was chaotic would be an understatement.
Sophia has always been strong willed and emotional, but after we moved to Indiana, things intensified. Sophia began having almost daily meltdowns and she was becoming violent; hitting and scratching us, breaking things, screaming at us when things didn't go her way. Life was very far from peaceful in our home. It got to the point that Aaron and I decided to talk to our pediatrician, and in September 2016, Sophia was diagnosed with ADHD.
After Sophia's diagnosis, it took us quite a while to learn and get a handle on our new normal. We have learned just how important routine and consistency are for our little girl. Sophia needs to know what is coming and deviations from her regular routine can cause her a lot of stress. There are visual schedules all around our house for different situations so Sophia can be set up for success, plus we have a weekly calendar where I write down each day's activities so Sophia is not taken by surprise. We have had to make intentional changes to the way our family does life to accommodate Sophia's needs and we try to not put her in situations that will cause her stress, if it can be avoided.
When we met with Orphan Care Alliance, it was stressed to us that we have to consider what will best for our "core four" when considering adoption. Since Aaron and I had gone through foster care classes, we understood that the ultimate goal of foster care is always reunification. Termination of parental rights can take a long time and is never a guarantee. With foster to adopt, you are told from the beginning that reunification is the goal, and there is always a chance that the child will leave your home and return to his or her family.
Foster care is a beautiful display of the gospel and I truly love foster care. My nephew and my youngest sister were both adopted out of foster care, so I am forever thankful for the foster to adopt system, because without it my family would not be the same. However, we know that if we go the foster care route, there is always be a chance that a child would come into our home only for time and would then return to his or her family. This would be difficult for all of us, but it would be especially hard for Sophia who thrives on consistency and routine.
After much prayer and discussion, we came to the decision that foster care is not the right choice for our family. We have to think about what is best for all of us, including Sophia, and we feel having a child come into our home for any length of time and then leave, would be very difficult for our little girl who needs so much consistency. While there are no 100% guarantees in adoption, with private adoption there is less of a chance of a child leaving our home once they come to live with us. As we think about what is best for our "core four", private adoption, whether it be domestic or international, seems to be the right answer. We understand that no transition is going to be easy, but with private adoption there is more certainty than foster to adopt, and more certainty means we can prepare for what's coming more easily.
If you would like to partner with us on our adoption journey, you can donate via our YouCaring page at: https://www.youcaring.com/aaronandlisatant-796522
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