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A Hard Update

        It's been a hard few weeks and this is not easy to write. It was a Tuesday morning when the email came in. I was at work and as I read the words I had to fight back tears so as to not freak out my co-workers. We were told that due to something from two years ago we are not going to be able to adopt from Taiwan or from any other country.
        In that moment I think I went through all the stages of grief. I was angry that a misunderstanding from two years ago is keeping us from our dream. I was in denial that this was really happening. It just didn't seem real that something that was proven to not have happened was going to stop us from adopting from the country we desired. I was mourning the loss of a child that I had already fallen in love with. I have heard some say that it is very similar to having a miscarriage, feeling the tremendous loss of someone you never even met.
         The last few weeks have been really difficult as we process this loss and determine what our next steps will be. There have been many long conversations between Aaron and myself, there have been many conversations with our adoption case worker, and there have been many hours spent in prayer. The hardest conversation was the one we had with our kids telling them that we will not be able to adopt the baby from Taiwan. Our whole family has had to grieve this loss.
       We have been presented with options for moving forward and those options require more hoops to jump through that we weren't originally planning for.  As we look at our options, we have not decided what our next steps will be. There have been some other things going on in our lives that have made processing all of this very difficult. Aaron and I have made the decision that we are going to press pause for a moment before we make any more decisions on the adoption.
      So what does this mean? First, this does not mean that we are done with adoption, it just means that we need to re-evaluate what God has called us to. Second, it means that we are going to take some time and get away as our Core Four. Aaron and I are taking the kids on our first family vacation that's just the four of us. The goal is to get away from all the stresses of our daily life and spend some time together focused on making good memories. After vacation, Aaron and I will take some time one-on-one to really weigh out our adoption options and decide on the next steps we are going to take.
      How can you pray for us? Pray that we will have peace as decide on the next steps. Pray for healing for our family as we grieve this loss. Pray for a restful vacation that will rejuvenate us. Pray for a clear direction for our adoption journey.
      We are grateful for each of you that has journeyed this far with us and know that are journey does not end here.

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